What is the healthy alternative for my husband's and my needs and wants always being put on the "low priority" list? I can schedule some times each week when my husband and I will have our needs/wants be of the utmost importance. Date nights. Regular date nights. Morning and afternoon date days. Making it "OK" to spoil ourselves and each other on a regular, planned weekly basis.
Another parent once told me that moms and dads need to take at least an hour each day to "gift ourselves with activities that we enjoy". It is best if these activities are multi-sensory. Like getting lunch and eating it in the park, under a big shade tree near the duck pond. Or taking a brisk walk early in the morning before everyone is awake along a nature trail. What kinds of things do you (or did you) enjoy? Take a moment and write out a list and schedule one of them for tomorrow....better yet, for today!
Step One gives me permission to embrace my powerlessness over others and to go ahead and let my son/daughter get frustrated, angry and then throw a tizzy fit. I am starting to see that powerlessness means that "making my son/daughter calm and appropriate at all times" is no longer my highest priority. To let go and let God be all powerful. It invites me to let go of trying to control the feelings/emotions of others. I have heard that, "If it is outside my hula hoop, then it is not my responsibility to try and control it."
So what would practicing this new behavior involve? Today for me, letting go means that I am going to sweep away the “eggshells” and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe I can look for ways to honor my own wants and needs and those of my spouse, or of the siblings at regular pre-planned times.
“It was then that I truly discovered how beautifully letting go and letting God can work. When I fully understood how powerless I was over the situation, I was able to trust that…” my son/daughter “has her own Higher Power and that, together, they can work out her own future. I was free of the constant need to watch over her, free to live my own life.
I care about…” my son/daughter with autism/mental illness “ …in my life more than I can say. I wish him/her health, happiness, and…” appropriate behaviors “…but I cannot hand these things to him/her. She/he and their Higher Power are in charge of that. I can only love her/him, and when I stop to think about it, that is enough.”
Following the First Step and accepting my powerlessness and that my life is unmanageable, means that today I am going to “stand down” and trust the Higher Power of my son/daughter to handle the results. I can place my trust in my Higher Power and know that all is well…just for today.
“If we supply the willingness, God supplies the power.”
[Courage to Change, Al-Anon January 8th, and the Al-Anon Family Groups –Classic Edition]
